#1 Business Cards

Actual gchat with a friend:

Roommate: tell me about last night
me: it was alright
I went to the (reception) by myself and drank crown on the rocks
talked to some boys
nobody who was cute enough to get a business card from

It’s a proven fact that Hill workers love receptions. But besides the free food and alcohol, receptions provide excellent networking opportunities for Hill workers. In a traditional sense, that means finding a new, less shitty job. For many Hill workers, that also means getting laid. To both ends, business cards are like the life blood of Hill workers. We love to show them off because they have our professional contact info, which means you can’t get a hold of us outside of work. That means we can email during work hours about meeting up for a happy hour, but the guy doesn’t have to actually have the balls to ask me out. They also include our job title, which is like cleavage to other Hill workers. Most importantly, they have a shiny gold seal. That shit is legitimate. It’s the only reason my parents believe I have a job.

If a conversation ends without a Hill worker giving you their business card, one of two disastrous things happened over the course of the conversation. Either they realized that your job is shittier than theirs, and therefore no networking opportunity exists. Or, more likely, you are really fucking ugly.